Tuesday, February 2, 2010

My Husband, The Revolutionary

There's nothing that says, "Hey girl, you're really in truly married! Can you believe it?!" like stumbling into the bathroom at 3 am (because you have a bladder the size of a olive) and dunking your bottom in a nice, cold bowl of toilet water.

Because he won't put the lid down.

He refuses to put the lid down.

Even at night, when you're tired, and confused, and don't want to turn the lights on...

he won't close the lid.

Because he's making a stand. A stand for all men who have suffered under the toilet tyranny of women for decades. Because he has logic on his side. "If I have to lift the lid, you should have to lower the lid."

He's right. But it's cold. The water is cold... and wet. And it's 3am. And in my sweet, innocent sleepiness, I forgot for a moment that I was married to a boy. A boy that lives with me and uses my toilet and is spearheading a grassroots resistance that will sweep through bathrooms across the country (watch out!). And I have drowsy, disoriented, cold-bottomed anger. And his bath towel is hanging just a little bit closer than mine.

It's so tempting. Ha! He'll never know there's toilet water on his bath towel. Then he'll go to dry his hair and he'll have toilet water hair! Hahahaha!

But I like to run my fingers through his hair. And I don't want toilet water hands, in addition to my toilet water bottom. So, I resist the temptation. And live to fight again another day.

(I promise, I will not overshare in this manner in the future.)


  1. Josh is the same way and it irritates me. And he says the same thing" I lift it, why do I have to put it down too? U can atleast put the seat down"? or he says " atleast I lift it".

    They think they are sooo clever dont they!?

  2. If children are a consideration for your future, take heart that his 'revolution' will be short lived! ;)

  3. ha ha
    How true though. Living with a man is such an adjustment. We've been married for little over a year and I'm still getting used to our differences. Such as our extreme different tastes in food and in music.

  4. I would have totally used his towel. You're a better woman than me. :)

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  6. I agree with Gina, I would have totally used his towel! Although my hubby puts the seat and lid down everytime, so I can't complain--it helps he grew up in a house full of women! But it is funny to remember every now and then how "guy-like" guys really are, including eating an entire pizza by themselves, plus a bag of Doritos. Ergh.

  7. Or eating sauerkraut out of the jar with a fork! Ewww.

  8. Hahahaha!! This is too funny. Fortunately Jack puts the toilet seat down, but there are plenty of other ways he lets me know that, yes, I am indeed living with a boy.



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